I can't be arsed with this any more. Whether I do any more in the future will depend on if I feel any less exhausted during my free time than I have done over the last however many months.
I feel low quite often, especially during the winter months. The reason I do the job that I do, a job that most people tell me they would be unable to do and don't know how I manage it, is that I can identify closely with feeling vulnerable, lost, depressed and many of the other feelings associated with my client group. I am not trained in counselling, housing support, or any of the other skills I need to do the job. Counsellors and shrinks have their own counsellors and shrinks. I don't. My employers probably feel it would be too much of a financial burden to actually look after their staff. Our training budget, per head, for the whole of 2005 was £60. That's one-third of a day of training in total.
I was using the blog as a forum to try and write about and explore my state-of-mind whilst engaging in quite a head-fuck job. To get home from work feeling like I really need to hit something quite hard and then have to sift through needlessly rude comments to my posts. Well. I just don't need the added stress.
I think that most people don't want to know about life's under-belly anyway. The council pay me and my colleagues, not to help the homeless down-and-outs, but to keep their 'visible numbers' at 10 or less. 10 or less. For fuck's sake. You should see how many people use the day centre during the week. What it's really all about is Joe public not wanting to be bothered by them whilst out shopping. Selfish, consumer cunts. The gulf between the haves and have-nots widens every day, and most people couldn't give a fuck so long as they are in the 'have' category. You think the street homeless are scum? How many have you actually spoken to? How much of the picture are you actually seeing? One of my most recent new contacts used to make up to £1000 per week as a manager of various hospital departments. He got attached to a girl with a habit, which he helped her feed until he lost his family, his job, and everything else. I'm trying to help him rebuild his life, starting with a roof over his head. It could be you next. Try to remember that from time to time.
